The phenomenon of domestic violence is considered one of the ancient phenomena in human societies, and it was socially acceptable due to its association with prevailing customs and traditions. Even girls were buried alive immediately after birth in the pre-Islamic era. However, discussing it was not as strong as it is today, and this is due to several factors, including the globalization of the issue of violence and the emergence of international women's associations and institutions demanding women's rights, including the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) issued in 1979. Additionally, the spread of media and media openness that focuses on this violence and highlights some of its cases that appear from time to time, followed by the failure of Islamic entities, scholars, and cultural and educational institutions to show the reality of Islamic law in its view of the foundations of the Muslim family and cooperation among its members.
Violence linguistically: It is the violation of order and is against gentleness, it is severity and hardship. It is also defined in social sciences as the use of control or force in an unauthorized or non-compliant manner with the law that can affect the will of an individual. It is of three types:
1- Psychological violence: Any act that harms the psyche of the victim and their emotions without any physical effects, and among the manifestations of this violence are (insults, neglect, lack of self-esteem, belittling, derogatory remarks, embarrassment, treating like a servant, blaming, false accusations, suspicion, intimidation, feeling guilty).
2- Physical violence: It relates to physical harm and the use of force, ranging from the simplest forms to the most dangerous and severe (hitting, choking, burning, running over, etc.).
3- Sexual violence: It can occur within or outside the family, and it involves coercion through force and threat, either to achieve sexual contact or to use the sexual domain to cause harm, such as harassment, using vulgar language, forcing sexual acts, or forcing women to engage in sexual acts they do not accept. In the topic of sexual violence, the inclusion of marital relations is noted.
From here arise several questions, including whether Islam advocates violence and under what circumstances is hitting allowed, and why?
It all started with - Suheir Maalimah - who said: "Islam encourages rejecting violence within the family in all its forms, whether material or moral. There are many verses and sayings in this regard, such as [a kind word and forgiveness are better than charity followed by injury. And Allah is Self-Sufficient and Forbearing]. Hence, Islam, when legislating its laws and rulings, did so for the believers to apply them to themselves and those under their responsibility. If there is any deviation in application, it is due to the Muslims themselves and not Islam.
Regarding the claim that Islam allows hitting one's wife or forcing her into conjugal relations against her will, which some argue encourages violence against women, Mahmoud Talib, a Sharia student, objected to this by saying that it is a rejected matter. Hitting the wife is specified in the verse [As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and strike them]. This is not a justification for hitting the wife at all; it specifically refers to a defiant wife who disobeys, revolts, and shows aversion towards her husband. This approach entails using three gradual measures; it is not permissible to skip to the next one before using the preceding method, which starts with advice and admonition with gentleness and affection. This could come from trusted family members or professionals like social or psychological experts who try to listen to the spouses and help them solve their marital problems. Next is sleeping in separate beds to calm their emotions and resolve the disturbances caused. Lastly, it's the mild form of hitting, as some scholars liken it to using a toothstick or small reed, and the preferable approach is to avoid it altogether to maintain harmony.
When asked - Hind, a homemaker - about her opinion on violence stemming from the husband's insistence on conjugal relations against her will, she clarified that Islam has clear guidelines for achieving sexual harmony between spouses. It rejects forcing the wife into relations against her will but also includes among the goals of marriage guarding one's chastity and avoiding extramarital affairs. Therefore, if the wife refuses her husband's advances without valid reasons, it can lead to marital problems and escalate tensions because a healthy sexual relationship often precedes resolving disagreements and reduces emotional and psychological stress between spouses. Furthermore, polygamy, which some people misunderstand and perceive as a form of violence against women, is an optional system, not mandatory.
In response to our question - Ahmed, a shop owner - about some advocates of women's liberation citing the Quranic verse [Allah instructs you concerning your children: for the male, what is equal to the share of two females], he replied that indeed Allah has allotted half the inheritance share to the female compared to her brother from the father's estate, but they overlook that this ruling is part of a comprehensive social and economic system. Islam has imposed responsibilities on men that women are not burdened with; the man is responsible for providing for his wife, children, and even sisters if they have no provider under the principle of 'the burden is according to the means.' On the other hand, Sharia did not impose any responsibilities on women. There are cases where males and females are equal, and in other cases, the female's share in inheritance exceeds that of the male. Additionally, the right to divorce is based on several reasons, with one of the most significant being that men are known for their rationality over emotions, and they are the primary financial victims of divorce. Islamic law also grants women the right to seek divorce from someone she dislikes and cannot live with under any circumstances.
Events and studies indicate that those who cause violence within families are ordinary individuals. The perpetrator's belief in the legitimacy of violence, as well as a child who experiences violence during childhood, is more inclined to use violence and believes that hitting a spouse is linked to proving masculinity and asserting authority. This could be influenced by media exposure to violence-promoting scenes, or reasons related to the perpetrator, including underestimating the perpetrator and attempting to diminish their importance in front of others, leading to retaliation such as a woman withholding from her husband. Unusual beliefs of the wife who believes that defying her husband proves her self-identity and independence, applying liberation theories. Sometimes, the victim's acceptance of the practiced violence and not attempting to change it, believing that violence is a sign of the perpetrator's love, or psychological fear among some victims of women that prevents them from reporting violence, and sometimes the victim's love for the perpetrator pushes her to endure, trying to reform and adjust his behavior.
The effects of violence may hinder family dynamics and make it difficult for them to perform their functions. The effects of violence on women include feelings of fear and guilt, leading to illness or turning to dislike of their children, and increasing the likelihood of them hitting them. As for children, negative isolationist or aggressive behaviors may arise, excessive activity accompanied by involuntary urination and anger episodes, or self-esteem issues leading to academic delays and caution around adults. Sexual abuse results in tension, fear, anxiety, anger, inappropriate sexual behaviors, and one of the most dangerous effects is what affects children in their future social life with the opposite sex. Elderly individuals may exhibit non-compliance with medication, irregular medical appointments, recurrent unexplained physical injuries, social isolation, constant fear, hesitation in speech, loss of assistance feeling, repeated individual visits to doctors, complaints of various physical symptoms, and feelings of psychological depression and anxiety.
To understand more about the perpetrator and whether their behavior can be modified, and whether the perpetrator becomes violent, and what causes violence, and what advice is given to parents and educators, we asked Najwa Bannout, a psychological and family therapy specialist, "The perpetrator is a person who exhibits aggressive behaviors towards themselves or others, whether verbal, emotional, or physical. The perpetrator has many motives for using this method of expression, including internal motives that go back to childhood neglect, rejection, abuse, which then manifest as aggressive behaviors to be directed towards their weaker victim. External motives include economic conditions and social pressures, especially in the face of successive crises and improper handling of them. It is worth mentioning that those who are exposed to abuse may themselves turn into perpetrators later on or may suffer from psychological problems and personality disorders, depending on each individual's nature. The behavior of the perpetrator can be modified if they undergo therapy sessions aimed at understanding the cause that led to its appearance, and thus developing the appropriate treatment plan for each case.
Therefore, parents are advised, in order to reduce the appearance of aggressive behaviors that may negatively affect the personality of children in the future, and as a form of prevention and concern for the psychological health of the family, to adhere to the following:
- Monitor the reactions of parents, especially in front of their children, as they are practical role models for their children.
- Encourage children to express their inner thoughts, feelings, and fears, and deal with them properly at the time, to prevent them from accumulating, and so that the child does not resort to violence as a means of relief.
- Guide through dialogue in case of mistakes and praise positive behaviors to reinforce positive self-image.
- Ensure emotional satisfaction for children and spouses as well.
- Handle psychological problems and pressures correctly to reduce individual suffering and prevent its negative impact on surrounding individuals, and do not hesitate to seek specialized help when needed. Our Prophet advised us in his noble saying: "And to yourself, you owe a right."
Family violence in all its forms poses a great challenge to officials and researchers in family issues, due to the connection of this matter with family stability and continuity on one hand, and ensuring the rights of its members on the other. Protection from family violence requires dividing this protection into two parts: individual and collective. Individually, it involves commitment to the teachings of Islam and applying them in family life, changing perceptions and behaviors regarding violence, which may require the assistance of psychological and social counselors. Collective protection is manifested in issuing legislation that protects against family violence and activating it if available, as well as activating the roles of authorities, in accordance with the saying of Allah: "And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted" [Quran 4:35]. Then encouraging the victim to report the crime, establishing Islamic social institutions that deal with family violence, setting up hotlines for these institutions to provide consultations and assistance. Supervising the media, as it has been proven that violent scenes broadcast by the media play a significant role in the spread of violence, working to avoid some of the reasons that lead to family violence, such as lack of fairness among children or wives in cases of polygamy, and reducing the interference of parents and relatives in marital affairs of their children.
And may you remain under the protection and care of Allah.
